Sacred Feminine

SHE WHO REMEMBERS

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PHOTO BY JIRI SUMBERA

I dove in full of anticipation. I thought I was embarking on a new adventure of seeking and searching, of visiting places unknown and undiscovered. I was excited, until … I landed in midair.  It was an awkward landing for I was totally unaware the ground was so near. Like a cat I got up acting as this was exactly as I had intended. I wasn’t the only one watching.

She walked up to me in her pure innocence watching me with her curious eyes as if trying to see into my heart and know me for who I really am. I brushed of my dusty knees and checked my elbows. No scrapes this time, not even a rip. Unsure of where I was I looked around taking a deep breath and then remembered the little girl who was now looking up at me. She couldn’t be more then 4 or 5 years old. Quiet one, a thoughtful one. Sun was coming down through the canopy of evergreens, brushing the shadows off of the trees and wrapping itself around the little one in an etherial fashion. No words, only those eyes piercing me like a true hunter. She could see beyond my masks and armor. Usually such a stare would make me feel uncomfortable and squiggly. In her presence though I became a lamb. In fact I felt myself changing. All of a sudden she was the adult and I a little girl. She handed me her feather and took my hand, motioning for us to start walking. As we walked through the forest she would point out crevices in the rocks where critters lived. We would stop often to listen and observe. Tracing with our fingers we touched the Earth along the edges of barely visible paw indentation left behind by a fox who had passed here before us in a search of food. We came upon a spring with a crystal clear water and drank out of our cupped hands, letting the sweetness of this offering renew us. We skipped along the little stream, our feet brushing the grasses on which a morning dew glistened like little diamonds on a string. Squirrels ran above our heads, jumping from branch to branch as if trying to race us. A deer herd looked on quietly amongst the trees as we laid down on a soft forrest bed that smelled of pine needles, mushrooms and cool stones. For a sweet moment I forgot where I was coming from or where I was going. Breathing in the fullness of the forest I closed my eyes and listened. Somewhere in a distance woodpecker was drumming his song. I heard deer chewing the leaves and sounds of the bubbling creek. There was buzzing of the flies and humming of the bees somewhere up overhead. Soft breeze whispered his wisdom in the trees and I would swear I could hear the voice of the sunlight as it came down to rest with me and keep me warm.

She lifted my head and placed it in her lap and I found myself sinking into the most beautiful darkness I had ever experienced. It was so quiet with only a deep soft sound like a drum in a distance, beating steady, soft and strong. I felt safe like a seed within the Earth. I was no longer listening with my ears but rather with my skin, or  from some where deep within. Each beat sent ripples of ecstasy through my whole being. Intoxicated with the love showered upon me, no longer able to tell where I end and the universe begins, I melted into the Mystery. All the scents, sounds and images were now part of me. I was the squirrel racing with myself in the trees. I was the grazing deer herd, fox with a nose in the breeze sniffing the air, buzzing of the flies and the flies themselves, bubbling brook and the sweetness of the water. I was the cool rocks and the sparkling dew diamonds, the sunlight coming down and the Earth holding the seeds. I felt the woodpecker pecking at me somewhere as well as his hunger for life. I was everything and everything was me.

When I awoke, the forest was gone and so was the little girl. All that was left was a warm, fertile darkness pulsing within me, steady, soft and strong. Search is over, I had landed in the Sacred Feminine. Her land is vast and full of Mystery and I can’t but dive forever deeper in exploration of her. My search is over, and the journey only begins.

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Diving in with a complete abandon

Leap of faith

I got my first swimming lesson from my father. At the time I was about 5 years old, living with my parents and two of my siblings in a picturesque countryside of Bohemia. In my little girl’s world Sun would set each night over a hill and paint the walls of my bedroom with tones of orange light.  Outside my window I could see a pond  and  a forest both of which held magic and excitement for me.  Small train would cut its path through the landscape, signaling with a blow of a horn, a way to keep a track of a time. Back there and than, watching cemetery lights flicker into the night was just one way of entertainment. I was a happy, self contained girl. Not much of a talker, rather a thinker and a dreamer. At least that is how I would describe myself. I lived in my own safe little world. One summer day we went to the pond for a swim. As I played innocently in shallow waters, shaded by a tall tree that kept an eye on the world, my dad came in and grabbed me. He was  pulling me away from where I could reach the bottom and straight into the deeper parts. I had a hunch. I could see it clearly in my head and yet I could do nothing about it. I never screamed, although I begged for him not to let go. I guess at that age we trust in spite of our inner knowing. I was shocked when I found myself without his supporting hands around my waist. I tried to stay above water but to no vail and the fear of drowning really cut my breath short. As I mentioned I was a thinker and water is my element. I realized rather quickly that I wasn’t that far from the shore and in so much of a depth as not to be able to reach the bottom if only I allow myself to go under. I let go of struggle and resistance and sunk down. Then I came back up with all my force, catch a breath and again under the water. I walked all the way to the shore. This was my last swimming lesson from my dad, but I did learn how to swim soon after. For many years I resented this experience and distrusted my father but I have to say that I have learned a vital lesson in life. Sometimes it is better to dive in and allow the elements to support the journey. I’m realizing more and more that if I try to plan and prepare for something new, I might not ever get started. There is so much that I cannot know. With trust and innocence, I find myself guided by a gentle force.  How does it relate to my search for Divine Feminine? Well that’s just the thing, sometimes I don’t know until later. I have been planning to start this blog for over two weeks now and the idea seemed very clear in my mind, but to actually go and do it is like taking a leap of faith. I was going to reflect on a wisdom card that I had pulled out for myself this morning. I was  feeling a bit off my keel and some new wisdom stood out for me at this time. It is a Power Deck card by Lynn V. Andrews, my spiritual teacher and guide into the Sacred Feminine. The card I pulled is called Innocence. It says: “A boat can represent your voyage toward the islands of higher consciousness. That boat is made from your treasured innocence. We are all born wild and innocent, like a blue heron. To live in civilization, at a very young age we become like sheep trying to fit in with the crowd. To maintain your receptive innocence is to listen to your own inner voice. Know that the powers of the universe are within you. Part of the Sacred Feminine that is so beautiful and yet so challenging is that it is about Mystery and the unknown. As soon as you think you understand it, it throws you a new bone to chew on and you are forced to redefine your theory. It teaches me to embrace life in all its shapes and colors, with the light, dark and all the shades of gray in between and to really Trust that everything is in divine order even if I can’t see it. I never saw my father watching me make my way to the shore but I know now that he had my back and allowed me a gift of knowledge “that the powers of the universe are within me.”