Morning skies beckoned for me to take a walk. There was sunshine and warmth with dark clouds gathering on the horizon. It was going to rain sooner or later.

I felt a tug to go visit a place of my last weeks ceremony. The Full Moon in Scorpio has been stirring me for the last two days even though it doesn’t complete its cycle until later tonight, its energy bringing up old wounds and pulling me deeper into shadows. To reconnect with my life’s intentions as well as the Spirit felt like the best start to my day.

Nature welcomed me with soft morning song of birds, scent of blossoming trees and all embracing peace – Sacred feminine in her glory. I felt like dancing. And so I did, taking off my shoes and playing some of my favorite music I danced for myself and the spirits of the place. When people showed up on a path I took it as a cue to continue walking.

It’s amazing how quickly the nature changes. Last week there were few green leaves budding sporadically while today flowers smiled at me from the ground. What grace of new life amidst the old and decaying leaves and grasses of last season. So uplifting as well as inspiring. They made me think of a saying that each ending is a new beginning.

I reached a top of a hill curious to see if the feathers would still be there. I had stuck four feathers in the ground for the four directions. There was a flicker feather for the East, red cardinal for the South, Blue Jay feather in the West and a Hawk feather in the North. Today the Blue Jay feather was missing. I pondered about its messages. West is a direction of Transformation, death and rebirth. It is also a direction of Grief and Ecstasy, two energies I called upon at time of my ceremony, feeling stirred by their connection and my resistance to both of them. Although they seem like two opposite ends of a spectrum, they seem to be walking hand in hand stretching out awareness deep and wide.

Blue heron lifted off a pond at a foot of the hill gracefully gliding through the air to the opposite shore where it perched up in the trees. Lone hunter has been one of my guides for many years now. His or her flight disturbed geese who were feeding in a pond. I walked down the hill to the sound of their screams. Nature too expresses her discontent with disruption or change, while continuing in living to her best potential. Is it Faith or is it Wisdom? How does She find her peace amongst the endings and beginnings?

Reflecting on the play of light and dark and their presence in a daily life I could feel my heart closing off and opening, back and forth. Let go into the eternal flow was my message last week. But how? How do you overcome your body’s reactions that seem out of control of a conscious mind? What do you do when your body decides to numb itself from uncomfortable feelings? Movement or stillness? Feel it all and let it go was my inner answer. Breathe!

Maybe it comes with age, celestial dance or it just happens randomly as a part of life’s experience, but regardless of why, last two months had me question everything about my life. Why am I here? What is my purpose? What do I really want in my life? Where am I going? Why had I created what I had? What is my next step? All of these questions really stir my emotions and add to the levels of daily stress. For the first time in my life I’m recognizing AGE. I have never really planned for anything. Always going with the flow and loving what is. Why is it suddenly that this approach makes me uncomfortable? Where is my fear stemming from? Why am I now doubting myself? Feel it all! Feel it all and let it go! Sit with the questions without inventing an answer. Let the questions transform you. Breathe!

All of this unfolds rather quickly in ones mind. You can travel across the time and space, visit memories, dreams, have conversations, change your perspective….in matter of minutes if not seconds. Reflections kept me company until I reached the tree where  I left an offering  following a ceremony last week. Gathering flowers along the way I made a small bouquet to please spirits of the place. Would my offering still be there, I wondered. Placing flowers on an empty altar I looked around me. Nothing has changed and everything has changed. My prayers had been received. There is an ending and a new beginning happening all around me. Can I be one with it? Can I allow grief and ecstasy to reside within me at the same time? Can I stay open to an ending as well as the unknown of a new beginning?

The cycle of life takes us around a medicine wheel. Keep moving like the celestial bodies traversing in their orbits. Keep growing through the crust of the past to bloom again, to produce fruit only to die once more in the end. Embrace the life in its ongoing dance between ending and new beginning.