Month: May 2015

Ebb and Flow

Like tidal waves feelings are washing through her in a strong and steady flow.
“Let go! Stay put! Move on! Don’t give up! Push away! Keep your faith!”

She lays on a deserted beach with the Sky stretching its blue canvas up above, Sun slowly pushing away a morning mist. Air is fresh and moist carrying a scent of ocean breeze after a storm.

“What now?” she wonders, digging her toes into the sand in search of a support and grounding. Ocean waves inch closer, licking at her toes, whispering “Stay! Go!”

“If I stay right here, I will be swept by this tide into deep wild waters. Can I swim in this? Am I strong enough?” She pulls herself closer to the shore.

“If I walk away, where will I go? I’ve lost my direction. It is just another vastness on the other side of this shore. I could get lost in the wilderness and be wandering forever”

Her cheeks are glistening in the Sun, a broken heart beating inside her chest. It’s been cracked open like a rock that was holding a precious gem. Sitting with the pain she notices a light deep within. Love. Oh how long she’s been searching for this. Crawling through jungles full of poison, bitten many times and yet always finding her own cure. She’s always followed her heart, always on a mission for balance and harmony, for healing of an ancient wound between the male and female.

Feeling defeated she looks around her. This is a familiar place. She has been here before, yet it all looks different now. The shore has been reshaped by the constant ebb and flow of ocean’s waters, weathered by storms that had moved through here so many times. The wilderness beyond the shores had grown thicker and taller.

“Why am I here again? What is this place?

“Why have you summoned me!? her voice shouts at the Sky, the Ocean and the Land.
“What do you want from me!?

Her only answer is a cry of seagulls flying over head in search of an easy catch. She welcomes their brief presence and relaxes a bit. Perhaps life isn’t always all hard work. Warm sand welcomes her tired back as she lays down, letting a soft sigh of relief escape her throat. Suddenly her heart lets go of clenching allowing her whole body to sink into the embrace of the Earth.

“Thank you!” she whispers into the breeze. “Thank you!”

Cradled by the Earth and lulled by the song of Ocean waves she lets Sun rays kiss her whole being inside out. Sinking deeper into this blissful moment she gazes at the diamond inside her wide broken heart. It has always been there. She had known it all along and had protected it so hard. “It is so brilliant” she thinks as new waves of feelings floods her being. Now she’s drenched in love and joy. That’s when she remembers a poem once gifted to her by Water Spirits:

Stand still and flow
Melt and freeze
So you may hear
a soft voice on a breeze.
Rise up and fall
Let the winds blow
One day you’ll know
Which way to go.

Stand still and flow
As the winds blow
Melt or freeze
Soon they’ll turn to breeze
Which way to go
you already know
following your call
as you rise and fall.

Stand still and flow
you always know
a soft voice on a breeze
as you melt or freeze
as you ride and fall
letting the winds blow
following your call
which way you must go.

Tidal waves

She lets out a wild cry of her inner beast as she surrenders into the Ebb and Flow of life, merging with the Waters of existence.

 

 

New beginnings and endings

 

 Morning skies beckoned for me to take a walk. There was sunshine and warmth with dark clouds gathering on the horizon. It was going to rain sooner or later.

I felt a tug to go visit a place of my last weeks ceremony. The Full Moon in Scorpio has been stirring me for the last two days even though it doesn’t complete its cycle until later tonight, its energy bringing up old wounds and pulling me deeper into shadows. To reconnect with my life’s intentions as well as the Spirit felt like the best start to my day.

Nature welcomed me with soft morning song of birds, scent of blossoming trees and all embracing peace – Sacred feminine in her glory. I felt like dancing. And so I did, taking off my shoes and playing some of my favorite music I danced for myself and the spirits of the place. When people showed up on a path I took it as a cue to continue walking.

It’s amazing how quickly the nature changes. Last week there were few green leaves budding sporadically while today flowers smiled at me from the ground. What grace of new life amidst the old and decaying leaves and grasses of last season. So uplifting as well as inspiring. They made me think of a saying that each ending is a new beginning.

I reached a top of a hill curious to see if the feathers would still be there. I had stuck four feathers in the ground for the four directions. There was a flicker feather for the East, red cardinal for the South, Blue Jay feather in the West and a Hawk feather in the North. Today the Blue Jay feather was missing. I pondered about its messages. West is a direction of Transformation, death and rebirth. It is also a direction of Grief and Ecstasy, two energies I called upon at time of my ceremony, feeling stirred by their connection and my resistance to both of them. Although they seem like two opposite ends of a spectrum, they seem to be walking hand in hand stretching out awareness deep and wide.

Blue heron lifted off a pond at a foot of the hill gracefully gliding through the air to the opposite shore where it perched up in the trees. Lone hunter has been one of my guides for many years now. His or her flight disturbed geese who were feeding in a pond. I walked down the hill to the sound of their screams. Nature too expresses her discontent with disruption or change, while continuing in living to her best potential. Is it Faith or is it Wisdom? How does She find her peace amongst the endings and beginnings?

Reflecting on the play of light and dark and their presence in a daily life I could feel my heart closing off and opening, back and forth. Let go into the eternal flow was my message last week. But how? How do you overcome your body’s reactions that seem out of control of a conscious mind? What do you do when your body decides to numb itself from uncomfortable feelings? Movement or stillness? Feel it all and let it go was my inner answer. Breathe!

Maybe it comes with age, celestial dance or it just happens randomly as a part of life’s experience, but regardless of why, last two months had me question everything about my life. Why am I here? What is my purpose? What do I really want in my life? Where am I going? Why had I created what I had? What is my next step? All of these questions really stir my emotions and add to the levels of daily stress. For the first time in my life I’m recognizing AGE. I have never really planned for anything. Always going with the flow and loving what is. Why is it suddenly that this approach makes me uncomfortable? Where is my fear stemming from? Why am I now doubting myself? Feel it all! Feel it all and let it go! Sit with the questions without inventing an answer. Let the questions transform you. Breathe!


All of this unfolds rather quickly in ones mind. You can travel across the time and space, visit memories, dreams, have conversations, change your perspective….in matter of minutes if not seconds. Reflections kept me company until I reached the tree where  I left an offering  following a ceremony last week. Gathering flowers along the way I made a small bouquet to please spirits of the place. Would my offering still be there, I wondered. Placing flowers on an empty altar I looked around me. Nothing has changed and everything has changed. My prayers had been received. There is an ending and a new beginning happening all around me. Can I be one with it? Can I allow grief and ecstasy to reside within me at the same time? Can I stay open to an ending as well as the unknown of a new beginning?

The cycle of life takes us around a medicine wheel. Keep moving like the celestial bodies traversing in their orbits. Keep growing through the crust of the past to bloom again, to produce fruit only to die once more in the end. Embrace the life in its ongoing dance between ending and new beginning.