PHOTO BY JIRI SUMBERA

I dove in full of anticipation. I thought I was embarking on a new adventure of seeking and searching, of visiting places unknown and undiscovered. I was excited, until … I landed in midair.  It was an awkward landing for I was totally unaware the ground was so near. Like a cat I got up acting as this was exactly as I had intended. I wasn’t the only one watching.

She walked up to me in her pure innocence watching me with her curious eyes as if trying to see into my heart and know me for who I really am. I brushed of my dusty knees and checked my elbows. No scrapes this time, not even a rip. Unsure of where I was I looked around taking a deep breath and then remembered the little girl who was now looking up at me. She couldn’t be more then 4 or 5 years old. Quiet one, a thoughtful one. Sun was coming down through the canopy of evergreens, brushing the shadows off of the trees and wrapping itself around the little one in an etherial fashion. No words, only those eyes piercing me like a true hunter. She could see beyond my masks and armor. Usually such a stare would make me feel uncomfortable and squiggly. In her presence though I became a lamb. In fact I felt myself changing. All of a sudden she was the adult and I a little girl. She handed me her feather and took my hand, motioning for us to start walking. As we walked through the forest she would point out crevices in the rocks where critters lived. We would stop often to listen and observe. Tracing with our fingers we touched the Earth along the edges of barely visible paw indentation left behind by a fox who had passed here before us in a search of food. We came upon a spring with a crystal clear water and drank out of our cupped hands, letting the sweetness of this offering renew us. We skipped along the little stream, our feet brushing the grasses on which a morning dew glistened like little diamonds on a string. Squirrels ran above our heads, jumping from branch to branch as if trying to race us. A deer herd looked on quietly amongst the trees as we laid down on a soft forrest bed that smelled of pine needles, mushrooms and cool stones. For a sweet moment I forgot where I was coming from or where I was going. Breathing in the fullness of the forest I closed my eyes and listened. Somewhere in a distance woodpecker was drumming his song. I heard deer chewing the leaves and sounds of the bubbling creek. There was buzzing of the flies and humming of the bees somewhere up overhead. Soft breeze whispered his wisdom in the trees and I would swear I could hear the voice of the sunlight as it came down to rest with me and keep me warm.

She lifted my head and placed it in her lap and I found myself sinking into the most beautiful darkness I had ever experienced. It was so quiet with only a deep soft sound like a drum in a distance, beating steady, soft and strong. I felt safe like a seed within the Earth. I was no longer listening with my ears but rather with my skin, or  from some where deep within. Each beat sent ripples of ecstasy through my whole being. Intoxicated with the love showered upon me, no longer able to tell where I end and the universe begins, I melted into the Mystery. All the scents, sounds and images were now part of me. I was the squirrel racing with myself in the trees. I was the grazing deer herd, fox with a nose in the breeze sniffing the air, buzzing of the flies and the flies themselves, bubbling brook and the sweetness of the water. I was the cool rocks and the sparkling dew diamonds, the sunlight coming down and the Earth holding the seeds. I felt the woodpecker pecking at me somewhere as well as his hunger for life. I was everything and everything was me.

When I awoke, the forest was gone and so was the little girl. All that was left was a warm, fertile darkness pulsing within me, steady, soft and strong. Search is over, I had landed in the Sacred Feminine. Her land is vast and full of Mystery and I can’t but dive forever deeper in exploration of her. My search is over, and the journey only begins.